I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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