so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
