i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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