I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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