At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
