i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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