$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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