You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
