that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
