sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
