I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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