so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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