i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
