No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
