Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
