so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize