If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you will always have a special place in my vag
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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