I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
