Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
