doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
