Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
