I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
