My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
