From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I intend to get homeless drunk
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
