Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
