I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
