now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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