Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
