Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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