my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
