How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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