Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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