There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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