Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
