Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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