her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
