did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
