I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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