in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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