Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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