Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
