I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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