Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
