would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
