I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
