Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
