You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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