Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
