Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Holy shit dude........stairs
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
