That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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