You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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