After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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