Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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