physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
