i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
