If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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