the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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