i may or may not be watching the land before time
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
