I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
