You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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