Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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