just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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