Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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