He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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