Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
