I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
