i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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