I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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