Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Alive.
So much puke
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I could fuck to npr.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
